Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Single People VS. NON-Single People
This post should in no way reflect on anyone that is in my personal life. It just so happens that I know quite a few single ladies and I wouldn’t want them to feel as though any of this is about them directly. It’s not. This is all just something I’ve been thinking about as of late.
The other night I was sitting around and thinking why it is that I so often make Paul and my relationship sound like more of a hassle than it really is. Cuz the truth of the matter is that it’s not a hassle at all. It’s a fun, obnoxious, wild, and often dramatic experience. Sure, there are moments when I want to slap his little face, but there are moments when I want to slap my best friend’s faces as well. Basically I just want to slap faces. You understand.
Then it came to me.
I always thought that I was making my relationship sound awful because it really was. When the truth of the matter is, I don’t ever talk about how wonderful things are; I talk about how Paul did something fucked up or how he didn’t keep his word, etc. Now I have realized that the reason why I make my relationship out to be so negative is because that’s what I think other people want to hear. Those who are not in a relationship tend to give me break-up advice at every corner. Those who are not in a relationship tend to encourage me to drop it and be single. “It’s a freedom like you will never know!” As though I didn’t spend 21 years living single. A la Queen Latifah and Kim Coles.
This theory was made very clear to me during a conversation that I had last night with my dear friend Karina. When telling her about my anniversary dinner and the gift that Paul gave me, I noticed a scowl creep over her face. Instead of saying how happy she was for me or how I am so blessed to have someone in my life that loves me as much as Paul, she said very haughtily “Are you going to move in with him now or what?” It was just about the nicest thing she could think of to say to me.
I find that people who are in relationships tend to give advice like “Have you thought about how HE feels in the situation?” or “Give it time and be patient. He will come around.” Those who are single tend to be the ones that say “You deserve so much better.” or “I would never tolerate something like that in my relationship.” It’s such an interesting phenomenon. As though these type of single people have either never been in a relationship or have been out of one for so long that they can’t even remember what it’s like.
I find that the girls that surround me in my personal life are very supportive of my decisions and my relationship. They love me deeply and because of that, they give me genuine support and advice based on the information I supply. But this is rare and I am lucky for that. As per my conversation with Karina, it is apparent that there is no way for her to be supportive when she is so lonely in her own life. Misery seeks company after all.
I wonder what would happen if Paul and I were to break up. Would my mind and heart turn a complete 180? Would I automatically become the kind of guy that would try to make everyone as lonely as myself? In the past, I don’t remember being the guy that wanted everyone to be single along with me. In fact, I think I preferred being the only single guy in a bunch of committeds. In this case, you are the one that everyone caters to; the one that everyone wants to take out and fix up. It can be hecka fun.
I feel genuinely frustrated for those single people that date consistently and want nothing more than to fall in love, yet have a devil of a time doing it. If this type of person is able to keep a positive outlook and still remain supportive of their committed friends, they will be rewarded ten-fold. It takes quite a special person to keep up the momentum of dating while also allowing those around them to be in love and be happy. I know a few of these people and it warms my heart to be a part of their lives.
But for those of you that are negative and bitter and make a concerted effort to encourage others to join you in your land of misery…shame on you. We have all been there and it is quite possible that we will be there again. Help us be happy if you want the same in return. When I ask you for advice on my love life, the first words out of your mouth should not be “Are you sure you still want to be with him?”
I don’t know. It’s just something that’s been on my mind lately.
This post should in no way reflect on anyone that is in my personal life. It just so happens that I know quite a few single ladies and I wouldn’t want them to feel as though any of this is about them directly. It’s not. This is all just something I’ve been thinking about as of late.
The other night I was sitting around and thinking why it is that I so often make Paul and my relationship sound like more of a hassle than it really is. Cuz the truth of the matter is that it’s not a hassle at all. It’s a fun, obnoxious, wild, and often dramatic experience. Sure, there are moments when I want to slap his little face, but there are moments when I want to slap my best friend’s faces as well. Basically I just want to slap faces. You understand.
Then it came to me.
I always thought that I was making my relationship sound awful because it really was. When the truth of the matter is, I don’t ever talk about how wonderful things are; I talk about how Paul did something fucked up or how he didn’t keep his word, etc. Now I have realized that the reason why I make my relationship out to be so negative is because that’s what I think other people want to hear. Those who are not in a relationship tend to give me break-up advice at every corner. Those who are not in a relationship tend to encourage me to drop it and be single. “It’s a freedom like you will never know!” As though I didn’t spend 21 years living single. A la Queen Latifah and Kim Coles.
This theory was made very clear to me during a conversation that I had last night with my dear friend Karina. When telling her about my anniversary dinner and the gift that Paul gave me, I noticed a scowl creep over her face. Instead of saying how happy she was for me or how I am so blessed to have someone in my life that loves me as much as Paul, she said very haughtily “Are you going to move in with him now or what?” It was just about the nicest thing she could think of to say to me.
I find that people who are in relationships tend to give advice like “Have you thought about how HE feels in the situation?” or “Give it time and be patient. He will come around.” Those who are single tend to be the ones that say “You deserve so much better.” or “I would never tolerate something like that in my relationship.” It’s such an interesting phenomenon. As though these type of single people have either never been in a relationship or have been out of one for so long that they can’t even remember what it’s like.
I find that the girls that surround me in my personal life are very supportive of my decisions and my relationship. They love me deeply and because of that, they give me genuine support and advice based on the information I supply. But this is rare and I am lucky for that. As per my conversation with Karina, it is apparent that there is no way for her to be supportive when she is so lonely in her own life. Misery seeks company after all.
I wonder what would happen if Paul and I were to break up. Would my mind and heart turn a complete 180? Would I automatically become the kind of guy that would try to make everyone as lonely as myself? In the past, I don’t remember being the guy that wanted everyone to be single along with me. In fact, I think I preferred being the only single guy in a bunch of committeds. In this case, you are the one that everyone caters to; the one that everyone wants to take out and fix up. It can be hecka fun.
I feel genuinely frustrated for those single people that date consistently and want nothing more than to fall in love, yet have a devil of a time doing it. If this type of person is able to keep a positive outlook and still remain supportive of their committed friends, they will be rewarded ten-fold. It takes quite a special person to keep up the momentum of dating while also allowing those around them to be in love and be happy. I know a few of these people and it warms my heart to be a part of their lives.
But for those of you that are negative and bitter and make a concerted effort to encourage others to join you in your land of misery…shame on you. We have all been there and it is quite possible that we will be there again. Help us be happy if you want the same in return. When I ask you for advice on my love life, the first words out of your mouth should not be “Are you sure you still want to be with him?”
I don’t know. It’s just something that’s been on my mind lately.
